Someone Worth Dying For

After my little bit of self-discovery I wrote about in my previous post, I decided to look for God. I decided to separate myself from all the things I enjoy doing – playing games, watching cricket, et cetera until I finally understand how God sees my worth, not just hearing it and feeling good when I hear it, but engraving it in my heart. I said I won’t let go until He teaches me. And he did – He kind of turned Trasles on her head.

So I found this amazing book on godly confidence – confidence that God made you the way He did for a reason, that you are where He wants you, and that you are loved just the way you are. The foundation of this confidence is humility and total dependence on God. Anyway, it’s worth a read if you’ve got insecurity issues like me. The book: You Aren’t Worthless – Unlock the Truth to Godly Confidence by Christin N Spencer. It’s not a self-help book, but it helps paint a picture of how precious we are in our Maker’s sight.

The chapter that got to me was the one about the love that defines us – the most epic love story ever told. It’s a story of a Prince that put everything on the line for me (and you), not knowing if I would even want it, without knowing if I’d ever love Him back. Like one of those cartoon characters that does something outrageously radical to save the one he loves. And you know what the scary bit is? I’ve been a Christian for over 20 odd years, and heard this how many times. But I guess in the dark spaces of my mind where I hide the thoughts I don’t want even God to see, I didn’t believe I was someone worth dying for. But it’s like in that moment God spoke me a love-letter and the message was fresh and new, dropping into my heart. In that moment I fell in love with Jesus a second time – harder than the first time.

And though I’ve still got a long way to go to to being confident in God’s reason for making me the way He made me, the fact that I am precious is finally sinking in. I don’t have to understand why I am the way I am; I just have to trust God and believe. He is not a man that lies. Some days believing this is harder than other days, especially when I’m so clumsy and make my epic mess-ups, but it’s a conscious effort I make every day – watching my thoughts and believing what He says of me.

Here’s a song that I listen to a lot that helps me:

I am finally starting to get it – I am someone worth dying for.

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