Vocal Shock

I’ve often wondered about this: If my guide dog, Rhodie, could talk, what would he say? Or any dog for that matter. Maybe if he suddenly started speaking, I’d get a vocal shock. :-d
Some nights in his sleep he starts pedaling in the air with his feet and barking. I wish I could ask him what the dream was about.
He’s very vocal in other ways though. So last Thursday I went with my friend to ballet, and we were observing the ballet lesson. (I know what your question is. Rather don’t ask. I saw nothing.) I was sitting on a marble step, and he was lying on a marble floor. I heard a loud moaning from down by my feet. The instructor thought it was one of his students, but I knew EXACTLY who it was. So I tried to make him comfortable as best I could. A few minutes later, a louder, more insistent moan. If he could talk, he’d probably say: “Listen here, you evil shrew, this floor is COLD!” Luckily I understand him, so I got the point. (I hope he wasn’t saying evil shrew though. I will punish him severely. LOL)
A few years ago I read a story about a guide dog who bit its owner’s hand to stop him from walking into a faulty lift and falling goodness knows how far. Well, what else could he do? If he could speak, I’m sure he would’ve swore like a trooper.
Today (and this is what inspired this post), a facebook friend was saying how he forgot to tie his dog’s harness. The dog just refused to walk, and he couldn’t understand why. Eventually the dog just sat down, and finally he figured out the problem. If the dog could talk, it would probably say: “Stupid creature, aren’t you supposed to tie that thing?”
My first dog was so laid-back. I sometimes have the tendency that my legs just give way under me. My mother once told me he had this expression of “Alrighty then, if you want to sit, I’ll just stand and watch. No problem.” Nothing ever fazed him. He would probably have been the type who would answer “hmm” to everything you say to him.
I’ve done so many stupid things before:

• Tried to put the choke chain onto his rear end instead of his head – “Um, I know your brains sit there, but mine certainly don’t.”
• Almost locked him in my office on the way home – “Hello, this is YOUR job, not mine.”

Who knows, maybe I should take lessons with Dr. Doolittle. I’d like to have that vocal shock.