Rhodie’s Response To The Vocal Shock

Hi everybody. I’m Rhodie, and I’m a gorgeous 10-year old white labby. While my owner has vacated her chair in front of the PC, I’d like to have a chance too. I hope she doesn’t come back soon and catch me in the act, because I really want to put forward my side of the story.
I hear she wrote a blog post yesterday, wondering what I would say if I could speak. If you haven’t read it yet, I suggest you read it first before hearing what I have to say.

Firstly, I CAN and DO speak. You humans are just such arrogant creatures. You forget that I am from another species, and speak another language altogether. Secondly, if you LISTEN you would know. We dogs DO speak.
Let me give you a classic example:
You should know one important thing: I LOVE FOOD!!!!! I smell these delicious aromas of the food my owner eats. I look at her and lick my lips loudly. Isn’t it obvious what I’m saying? “Please give me some (or preferably all) of that yummy food you’re eating. Pretty please?” See, I even ask nicely! But do I get any? No. The only thing I get is a scolding: “Rhodie, stop begging!” I spoke, nobody ever listens, so I stopped speaking. That’s why I sometimes have to resort to thievery. I don’t have a choice. Anyway, isn’t it true that eating something you’re not supposed to eat, makes it taste nicer. I watch my owner, when she’s supposed to be on diet, and she eats chocolates, and I see the look of utter enjoyment on her face.
As for the guy who almost fell down the lift shaft? Well, serve him right! If he listened, he wouldn’t have gotten his hand bitten. We guide dogs often find ourselves wishing our owners would trust us more. I know I sometimes do. I mean, who’s the blind one here? Me or her. I love her more than my own life, and I would never want her to get hurt. On the plus side, trust issues do resolve themselves as time goes on. It’s just a matter of infinite patience, which brings me to my next point: patience.
Yes I know she does stupid things like tie the leash around the wrong end, and leave me behind when she goes home, but I’m very patient, because I know human’s minds tick slower than ours, and it takes them longer to figure things out. I know some would say that’s a debatable statement, but I’m convinced it’s true. So to the guy who forgot to fasten his dog’s harness I’ve got one thing to say: Don’t worry. Your dog is patient. Part of our unwritten training includes patience.
By the way, I don’t think my owner is an evil shrew, even though she subjects my old arthritic joints to cold marble floors. I know she loves me, because she shows it often. She has her days where she gives me little treats, and then I’m over the moon with happiness. Actually, I’m over the moon with happiness, doesn’t matter what she puts me through, as long as I can be with her.
Good grief, here she comes! Here she comes! I better run back to my cosy blanket, so she doesn’t know what I’ve just done. Anyway, thanks for letting me put things straight here. Who knows, I might write again soon. 🙂
Lots of Wags
Rhodie

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